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LIFE’S LITTLE ANNOYANCES
INTRODUCTION xi
CHAPTER I. WEAPONS OF THE WEAK
Who Turned This Thing On, Anyway? 4
Honk If You Hate This Store 6
A Dog Owner's Ultimate Crime 7
When Pledge Drives Get in the Way 9
Breaking into Fort Knox Is Easier 11
Honku 12
A Gentle Way to Tell Someone to Get Lost 15
When Flying Becomes a Test of Wills and Wits 18
CHAPTER 2. SERVICE WITH A SNARL 23
"No, Seriously, I'm Just Browsing, Thanks" 26
A Medium Coffee, Hold the Lingo 28
Delocator 31
Confusing the Supermarket Spies 33
Breaking Their Script 36
Cheating the Express Aisle 40
Truth or Dare in Credit Card Signatures 41
Road Rage in the Supermarket Aisle 44
The Cashier's Spelling Bee 45
CHAPTER 3. OCCUPATIONAL HAZARDS 47
Using Instant Messenger for Sabotage 50
The Art of Demotivation 52
The Job Application Letter 54
The Cell Phone Prison 57
The Rejection Rejection Letter 58
Bone Appetit 60Putting Directory Assistance in Slow Motion 98
Treat Me Like I'm Crazy and I'II Act Like It 100
Why Should They Be the Only Ones Recording
Our Conversations? 102
CHAPTER 6. VEHICULAR MISANTHROPY 105
Guerrilla Warfare in the Parking Lot 108
Since Slamming on the Brakes Is Not an Option 111
The Parking Meter Fairies 114
Stuttering at Stop Signs 117
When Bumpers Become Pulpits 119
Make Yourself the Delivery 121
CHAPTER 7. RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE 123
Urgent and Confidential 126
Putting Spammers on the Receiving End 131
Mad Libs as Revenge Tool 133
The Beauty of Wrong Turns on the
Information Superhighway 135
The Invisible Hand 137
When Common Sense Stops at the Wrist 139
The Legal Implications of Just Saying "Hi" 143
Return to Sender 146
CHAPTER 8. BILLS, BANKS, AND BILE 149
Unbalancing the Books 152
Like Kryptonite for Bank Checks 154
Making the Late-Payment Notice Work for You 156
Giving His Two Cents and Getting Something Back 157
When Frustration Becomes a Class Project 160
No Comment 162
The Little Jab That Woke Up a Goliath 163
CHAPTER 9. TURNABOUT IS FAIR PLAY 167
Regifting as Tactic and Annoyance 170
Forgetting to Turn Off the Alarm Clock 172
The Reminder Call 174
Reversing the Language Snobbery 176
Love Thy Neighbor, When He Is Quiet 177
Pay Now or Pay Later 180
Car Horns That Double as Doorbells 182
Jehovah's Witness, Meet Hari Krishna 183
Crashing the Party 185
EPILOGUE 187
A NOTE TO THE READER 189
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS 191